"You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk." "Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober." - Winston Churchill
Affro Japan Level Design Final Fantasy

How to speak n00b - Episode 02: Addendum

As an addendum to this guide, I would like to point out that another problem may arise when communicating with n00bs.

Because the n00b disguise is fairly similar to what an actual person might wear, it is common that n00bs may suffer from an identity crisis. Indeed, the majority of n00bs may believe they are not n00bs. Fooled by their own disguise, they assume that since they resemble an good player, they must be a good player.

We are currently conducting a study on whether this is based on naturally low intelligence or the result of several blows to the head as a child. Results are pending.

Here is an example of a common interaction with a n00b undergoing an identity crisis. Please note that our researcher is careful not to identify the creature as a n00b for fear it might grow defensive and assume an attack posture.
You>> I do not mean to bother you, but are you aware that you have an underleveled sub?
N00b>> STFU i r teh 1337. (english: You must be mistaken, good sir or madam. I believe myself to be a quite a good player. On an unrelated matter, I also apparently enjoy math)

It is at this point our researcher realizes that this n00b is going through an identity crisis. Let's watch what happens.
You>> I simply mean that a 15 warrior with a level 2 white mage sub may not be as effective.
N00b>> OMG u sux0rz. (english: I am not pleased with your last remark)
You>> I'm sorry. I was just trying to help.
N00b>> ???? u in ur ????ing ??? you ????ing ???? (english: apology accepted and I hope you have a good day)

It is at this point that the n00b will usually become frightened and run away. Commonly, this will be accompanied by threats of retribution from a non-existant level 75 "friend".

Updated 2008-09-27 20:24:11